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May 06 2015

14:45

recoveringfromanattackofoptimism:

surimistick:

surimistick:

im watching a reality show about two naked strangers survivingn on a beach and from day one the man got sunburned and laid down complaining for the rest ofthe week and the woman built shelter and tools and took care of his burns and basically got shit done while he sat in te shadow

he got better and he dug a well until he found water, she warned him not to drink it without finding a way to boil it first, he ignored her and got diarrhea

this is how our species fucking survived ya know

14:45

recoveringfromanattackofoptimism:

surimistick:

surimistick:

im watching a reality show about two naked strangers survivingn on a beach and from day one the man got sunburned and laid down complaining for the rest ofthe week and the woman built shelter and tools and took care of his burns and basically got shit done while he sat in te shadow

he got better and he dug a well until he found water, she warned him not to drink it without finding a way to boil it first, he ignored her and got diarrhea

this is how our species fucking survived ya know

14:44

chipsprites:

When your opponent sends out the same Pokémon as you

image
14:44
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coluring:

WHERE DO YOU EVEN NEED A TUTORIAL LIKE THIS OMFG

14:44
7632 1e62
14:44
7633 10c4
14:35
7635 45c6 500
14:35
7636 5897

katemiddletons:

my favourite headline

14:32

angrybabysitter:

i appreciate when characters on tv speak their native or mother language with eachother and there are subtitles in english, rather than pretending that everybody in the world speaks accented fucking english

Reposted byrenanarachelinajolie
13:54
7638 f952 500

taylorschickennuggets:

i-wishyouwould:

im always gonna reblog the shit out of this because one time i reblogged a good luck post and i got 1989 tour tickets the day after

tswiftjapan
04:40

brie3po:

janebuzjane:

thoughtkiller:

clavid:

eloquentvibes:

clavid:

on the bright side i am not addicted to crack cocaine

On the downside I’m too poor to afford one.

one crack cocaine

hello drug dealer yes i would like to purchase one crack cocaine please

debit or credit

I actually have a gift card

03:44
5124 6e82

mysharona1987:

Amusing restaurant signs.

03:43

xloveswift:

gay4tay:

xloveswift:

gay4tay:

xloveswift:

its 2015, lets stop using the word swiftie PLEASE

but like…. we’re all in the taylor swift fandom so of course we’re swifties! i hope you respect my fearlessness of speaking now<13

oh right im sorry i’m such a fake swiftie </13 i hope taylor forgives me :(

you are a fake swiftie!! i bet you dont even bleed RED

i know i am truly awful :(

03:43
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nslayton:

ladimcbeth:

cheshirelibrary:

How To Tell If You Are In A High Fantasy Novel

[via The Toast]

  • The Elders would like a word with you.
  • The Ritual is about to begin.
  • Something that has not happened in a thousand years is happening.
  • You are going to the City. There is only one City. It is only said with a capital C. No one needs to bother saying the name of the City. It is the City.
  • Certain members of the Council are displeased with your family’s recent actions.
  • A bard is providing occasional comic relief; no one hired or invited him and his method of earning a living is unclear.
  • The High Priest is not to be trusted.
  • Someone is eating an apple mockingly.
  • There is one body of water. It is called the Sea. The Great Sea, if you are feeling fancy.
  • You live in a region with no major exports, no centralized government, no banking system, a mysteriously maintained network of roads, and little to no job training for anyone who is not a farmer.
  • You have red hair. You wear it in a braid. Your father was a simple man, and you don’t remember much about him – he died when you were so young – but you remember his strong hands, as he fished or carpentered or whatever it was that he used to do with them.
  • You’re going to have to hurry, or you’re going to miss the Fair – and you never miss the Fair.
  • There is trouble at the Citadel.
  • Your full name has at least one apostrophe in it.
  • It is the first page, and you are already late for something. Your mother affectionately chides you as you gulp down a few spoonfuls of porridge; she will be dead by page forty-two.
  • There are two religions in your entire universe. One is a thinly veiled version of Islam. It is only practiced by villains. The other is “being a Viking.” You are a Viking.
  • There are new ways in the land that threaten the Old Way. Your grandmother secretly practices the Old Way, as do all of the people of the hills.
  • The real trouble began the day you arrived at court. Every last nobleman hides a viper in his smile. How you long for the purity of life in your village, which is currently on fire or something.

Will someone please explain to me how the hell you eat an apple mockingly?! Are you mocking the apple? Or a person? Or the way a person eats apples?

I can only imagine by being a sniveling, mustached Snidely Whiplash-type villain, saying something disdainful or thinly veiled to a character, sneering, and then taking a bite out of an apple, and still sneering as you chew. It’s very specific, and a lot of work.

01:17

if this gets 100,000 notes i’ll go back in time and fight the founding fathers

ronaldkn0x:

reblog this so i can kick george washington’s ass

01:17

phalaenopfish:

Please don’t take your pets for granted. Even if you’re frustrated that your dog has been barking all day or your bird has been screaming for attention, remember you are all they have in this world. Give your fish that extra water change. Give your dog or cat that tummy rub they’ve been begging for. Chop up some fresh fruit as a treat for your rodents or reptiles. Just spend some time with them. Be compassionate to your animals. They are living creatures that are alive simply because you wish them to be. They may only be a small part in your life, but to them, you are their everything.

01:16

neferpitoo:

neferpitoo:

when a southern person betrays u: betray’all

i hate this post

01:15
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imreallycoolandfriendly:

save these exploding women

01:14

greatjaggi:

yanahma:

greatjaggi:

What the fuck is the “super” in superwholock supposed to represent

Sigh. Look at this plebian. Lets get this cleared up once and for all:

image

“Super” = Superbad

image

“Who” = The Hoobs

image

“Lock” = John Locke from Lost

Now can we please never have a misunderstanding about this again

image

Well im glad that’s cleared up

01:14

disarms:

weteevee:

strangecharmer:

weteevee:

laptop overheating?? pour water on it to cool it down!

i trusted you

Do not trust people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people

jesus christ that took a turn

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